Stressing over a decision or a change a comin’ usually makes me feel a little weak… and I guess one could say fragile. But God tells me this fragility is a gift albeit a strange one at first glace. So when I’m faced with that delicate reality I do what any sane and logical person would do… I clean house.

Three weeks ago I scrubbed the kitchen floor within an inch of it’s life when contemplating stepping away from sewing…last Wednesday it was the bedroom, bathroom, hall and living room because my cat is sick and there are decisions to be made about care and surgery. Unceremoniously I’m reminded again of just how precious and fleeting life is and how I’m pretty powerless against it.

Somehow I think the cleaning gives me an outward perception of control even if the inward, endless hamster wheel won’t quit turning. Or maybe the eradication of the dust bunnies piled up behind the bed {seriously where does this stuff come from?!?} just gives my mind a tiny vacation from over analyzing every.single.detail. A calmness to my surroundings may soothe my state of mind temporarily but it’s only superficial. And though sometimes I want to dust all those emotions under the rug and forget about them, they always betray me by popping back up until I deal with the root cause.

I don’t know about you, but I turn decisions over like flipping a mattress. And I do a little flip-flopping myself sometimes second guessing. Round and round like scrubbing out the sink. Looking to all interested parties like catching all the angles the light shines on the mirror so I can be sure and remove all those pesky spots and wishing all the while that someone else would just tell me what to do because I’m mentally exhausted.

Last week after my cleaning foray, I fell into restless sleep that night dreaming of being at church about to lead a song but unprepared with the words or music. Endless turning in my binder revealed blank pages. Apparently my precarious state of mind had carried over to my subconscious. A tune finally came to my frazzled psyche in the dream but before I could start in on the words, I heard the congregation singing back to me the very song I was thinking of: Francesca Battestelli’s “Holy Spirit”.

As God is exalted to the right place in our lives a thousand problems are solved all at once. ~ A.W. Tozer

Have I been aware of His presence in all this? Chances are good that I’m not if I’m having crazy dreams and becoming a little overly infatuated with my new mop.

All the polishing and arranging can’t compare to the rush of when we put God into His proper place, he’ll put all the details into order in our own lives. He shores up our weak spots and in HIM we are made strong again. No need for excessive cleaning or worry. My dad often responds when you ask how he’s doing, “it’s step by step, day by day” and maybe I need to heed that sentiment a little more. I’m finding the key is not only keeping firmly rooted in the present but anchored in HIS presence.

Worry and anxiety show up when we try to rush ahead into the minutes that haven’t been made yet. There is no art in anxiety. We try to manage the future, a time that doesn’t even exist yet, and we wonder why it makes our stomach hurt. ~ Emily P. Freeman, A Million Little Ways

I ponder the Holy Spirit song some more and what the lyrics say about welcoming him not only in our worship but in our hearts. It’s a strange but not too strange coincidence that I’ve heard that song each day for the past week all at random times. Oh how I need the reminder to be overwhelmed by his abundance and not my own lack. Besides there’s not much about the future that I can control anyway and if I had any grand illusions about my own power, I’m humbly reminded again about just who holds the reigns…

We NOW have this light shining IN our hearts, but we ourselves are like FRAGILE clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. ~2 Corinthians 4:7

In the present, working out of our own strength and logic, we are fragile but it’s Christ in us that makes us able and strong. His promise IS His presence and it can only be carried in such a humble container– plain old ordinary people like you and me even when we feel on the verge of cracking or broken and in need of some shoring up.

Sometimes I just need to knock a little dust off to let God shine through.

{image via The Graphics Fairy}

♥

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