I THINK I need to paint my walls to pull off the ultimate vision I want for my living room BUT instead I’m getting lost in paint swatches second guessing myself and not taking any action. I’m being pushy and demanding as I berate myself and my lack of abilities to make decisions because I say I don’t know what color to choose. This is me currently propagating a lie. Ever been there?
Oooff.. Paint picking aside, it’s so easy to forget how to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves… and isn’t that what we all really need? No change ever came from hating ourselves into submission.
“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~ Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life
So I set myself down for a little come to Jesus talk: Be nice to Heather, I remind myself. It’s way more useful to be on my own side anyway. This “not choosing” (which is essentially a choice!) is really about not wanting to FEEL disappointed with the color I pick for the walls if I don’t love it and get it PERFECT on my first try. But perfect for who? And why all this pressure on the paint color anyway? I know I’ve made lovely choices in the past. Paint won’t fix a wonky layout… or pieces that are not the right scale. If I’m feeling this indecisive it’s possible I’m asking paint to do more than it’s capable of which is complicating the matter. Also there is no rush- I do not in fact have to do it RIGHT NOW or ELSE! All of this is a limiting belief.
Picking paint colors multiple times does not have to mean I failed- it’s more of a signal that I’m trying. Turns out, I’m truly capable of making good design decisions- and then making them again (and being nice to Heather in the process!) if I’m still not 100% happy. Maybe you need the same reminder today- to be nice to _________ (insert your precious name here ♥)
“I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side.” ~Maya Angelou
Something to try right now: If you need to break through a limiting belief or lie you’ve been telling yourself, distill it into one sentence. Invite doubt. Look for evidence for how it’s not true. Brainstorm what would be the opposite belief? How would you act or show up if you believed that new belief? What actions would you take? How could you have your own back?
After I processed through those questions, I decided to slow down and step back. It felt like a good time to retrace my steps through my design process. I’ve been refining this method for a while and use it every time I approach a room to design or makeover. Want a sneak peak? Awesome! Let’s go!
How to Design a Home With Heart
Purpose: Every project or goal we undertake is less about the final outcome and more about who we become in the process. A good “why” will take you farther than willpower any day. So, why did I want to makeover this room in the first place? To BECOME a woman who practices and hones her design skills building confidence in knowing what she wants in her own home. (you know how the cobbler’s children seldom have shoes…!) And to get really good at taking action and trying new things outside my comfort zone (and good at trying again if need be without beating myself up if it’s not quite what I was aiming for.)
Mindset: What do I LOVE about my space? What parts am I THANKFUL for? For starters, I love my new green couch and the tv wall. My homemade blanket ladder. The fun peacock curtains.The light in the morning through the big picture window.
Feeling: How do I want this space to FEEL? What type of energy do I want it to evoke? Because life is not always roses and unicorns, I wanted a space to come home to that felt warm, grounded, inviting, harmonious, collected, serene, amused, confident & hopeful.
Function: Who does this room SERVE? What functions need to happen here? Here’s where layout and scale enter in. Spoiler alert, in my revisiting, it’s possible I could use two armchairs instead of the settee that 2 people can barely fit on… hello, Santa?
Define YOUR aesthetic: Your house should be personal! What practical representations of the feelings you described above do your pinterest pins, camera reel or Instagram images reveal? I revisited my favorites and used the private note feature on my pins to record what elements, colors and furniture arrangements translated into the feelings of warm, amused, grounded, etc. to ME.
Take your color cues: What colors are fixtures in your room? These are things you will not be up for changing…yet…LOL. Is the floor color remaining? The brick on the fireplace? The fabric or finish on a piece of furniture? Those are your jumping off points. All other colors should play well with them. What combinations of color pop up in your photos? I noticed the images in nature I found on my phone that inspired me the most contained blue and green… and I realized I needed to reign in my current color palette a bit by picking shades of fewer colors to get the feel I really wanted.
Drapes and lighting: Through investigating your inspiration images, what trends in lighting and window coverings do you see? I saw how I was drawn to gold finishes on lamps and sconces- an easy fix with some rub and buff or spray paint. And here’s where I confirmed my hunch about painting the walls a contrasting color to play off the drapes I already owned!
Floors, walls and ceilings: What floor coverings, wall treatments or ceiling finishes are you drawn to? What paint colors showed up on your pinterest board the most? A total duh moment when I saw how many times I pinned a dusty blue backdrop in the same color intensity as my green sofa. Looks like following the process gave me my answer- no more spinning out in indecision necessary!
Finishing touches: How will you finish bringing your personality to life in the room? What collections will you bring out? How little or how much feels good in filling out your space with art and pillows and accessories? I already know I love a good vignette, but I’ll probably be a little more intentional in leaving some blank space and covered storage.
So, here’s to giving ourselves more GRACE whatever the season or stage we’re in. I’m rooting for you, friend! And, if this integrated approach to designing, curating and creating a home with heart resonates with you, get on the waitlist for my upcoming workshop in the new year. There we’ll dive deep into the process of transforming our homes and lives with love, learning and lots of fun!
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