I took a walk last Thursday.
For the first time since maybe last October? November? I’m not really sure. See, our road doesn’t lend itself to walking. It’s narrow. It has no shoulder. It has hairpin curves and blind spots. It has no lines painted on it. When the boy was first practicing his driving I can’t even relate how many times he asked why we couldn’t live on a different road. So yeah no walking here.
In order to get my fix of fresh air in times past, I’ve driven to friend’s houses and walked less traveled side roads with them or driven to the elementary school track a few miles from my house and circled it. But sometimes schedules don’t always mesh up and sometimes I’m just plain too lazy to drive anywhere to walk… But the first hint of temperatures above 50 degrees last week had me hankering to be outside for some much needed Vitamin D.
Because lately I’ve been feeling like a fruitless fig.
I’ve been in the pit. Digging out of being sick. And then doing the fever watch again when the husband took sick too. (how the boy missed out on all this fun, I’ll never know.) But I’ve also been very busy with a little pity party all my own.
Pity, party of one? Maybe you’ve had one too…?
True to winter’s form I was in full on hibernation mode with no hint of hiber-nesting in sight…or creativity. Or inspiration. ugh.
I was feeling (which was probably most of the problem there in and of itself because feelings will LIE to you in a hot second) like I was alone and that I was involved in nothing special. And I was asking the Lord why am I not more _______?
And of course all that focusing on myself and my feeeeelings finally found me acting ugly. You know as apposed to acting pretty (and not pitching a fit as my mama and aunts used to implore us kids act.)
(yeah I just don’t have poetic words to describe things here today…!)
So I ran for the door and went for a walk on the old track down the road from home.
And as I walked, I thought about all kinds of
Just listened to the frogs gigging in the creek beside the track and the sound of my shoes hitting the gravel. And I just circled and circled and turned my face up to the sun on the bright side and put my head in the wind on the shady side. And I was content to just breathe.
No awesome revelations. No word from God whispered down. But it was ok.
Saturday wasn’t nearly as pretty, but I did fit in another workout inside. Endorphins are good y’all.
I looked back through my journals today trying to shake out some truths for my wandering heart and noticed that I had a lot of answers for those feelings I was having that were already written down right there in front of my face almost on the same day I was feeling them.
Like this one for “why am I not more ____?” (fill in the blank with whatever you think you’re not…) I had copied a quote from the Streams in the Desert Devotional I get in my email:
John the Baptist who did no miracle was the greatest among men because he bore witness to the Light and this may be our main business as well. Be willing to be only a voice. ~ George Matheson
Or this one:
“Sainthood springs out of suffering. It takes eleven tons of pressure on a piano to tune it. God will tune your heart to harmonize with Heaven’s key-note if you can stand the strain.” ~Streams in the Desert
Hmmm that one, I really like…
And then this song by Lauren Daigle came to me…
But not to be outdone by this one that my mom heard and told me to listen to by Mac Powell…
Post walk and work-out, I could feel my muscles wondering where that had been for weeks as they tried to adjust to the strain and I’m maybe moving a little slower lately as a result. But it’s a welcome pain.
Sometimes the only way around it really is through it.
And so I know I will stumble. I know I will flounder. I know I will flail around looking for answers but I’m never alone. Christ is IN me. He even sent me this post on Incourage in case I had any remaining doubts…
No matter how big or small I feel, I am loved and my only job is this:
Sing ♥ Shout ♥ Tell
Shout joyful praises to God, all the earth! Sing about the glory of His name! Tell the world how glorious he is! ~ Psalm 66:1-2
Happy (almost) Spring y’all! What have you been walking out lately?
I’m linking up with Miss Holley over here at: